10 After Death Theories

I’m sorry to break it to you — but you will one day die. You, me, your friends, family, and all your loved ones. Now that I bummed you out… let’s get you pumped back up again! Do you ever wonder what will happen to you once you inevitably die? Your soul and your consciousness? With that being said, we’re back to our list of the Top Ten After-death Theories.

10Reborn As Yourself in Another Universe

Bam! You die… and you’re reborn a millisecond later with no realization that you were ever any other person. You grow up, You live your life normally but sometimes you feel like you lived this life before, we call this DeJaVu. But maybe you did live this scenario before? But every time you die and rebirth as yourself you get better and better because you lived it and made your stupid mistakes in the last universe. Life is giving you an infinite amount of chances to become a better person. Yes, exactly like Bill Murray on GroundHogs day but you completely start over with no remembrance of your past life but small hints and intuitions. In this universe you could be the next Adele. You always wanted to be a singer right? Well, wait till next life…

9Our Souls Are in Limbo As Ghosts

Look behind you.. There’s your Great Grandmother sitting behind you knitting, while you jerk off to more modern whiz videos. Oooh Creepy, right? The ghost theory is actually one of the more trendy theories in popular culture. Look at all the thousands of movies, Hollywood has made about Ghosts. Great films like Beetle Juice, The Shining, and the Sixth Sense.. Even shit ones like ‘Just Like Heaven’ and ‘R.I.P.D’., how the fuck does Ryan Reynolds keep getting jobs? According to the Spiritual Science Research Foundation, (yes this is their actual name), the consciousness left after a physical body dies is referred to as a ‘subtle body’. And then you just stick around for all eternity being a ghost. Fun right?

8We Live in The Matrix

In a fucked up dystopian future, we are living in a simulated game controlled by bunch of piece of shit Artificial intelligence. Every moment, every relationship, every boner could have been created by a supercomputer. And now NASA is reporting that this could be a possibility. Moore’s law claims that computers doubles in power every 2 years, and these supercomputers will have the capability to compute an entire human lifetime in a month/ including every thought ever conceived. So here’s the theory..Smart NASA peeps are saying that we may be living in a simulation game played by future humans, seeing what we need to see when we actually need to see them…


Think you were bummed out before when you realized that maybe aliens have us subdued in a cocoon somewhere? Well, what about just pure darkness? When you die and your heart stops pumping blood, and you have no more breathes of air… your organs shut down and now your cells begin to degenerate. This is going to suck because now you’re dead. You have no thoughts, no consciousness, just darkness and nothing. Bummed out yet (happily)?

6Pharaohs Theory

Ancient Egyptians believed that when a person died, that human can come back to life for their second life. That explains why they mummified their dead so that the body can be preserved so it won’t be eaten by bugs. Fast forward thousands of years later and people are just as crazy today… Famous TV host, Larry King recently came out saying he will one day be frozen before he dies to stop his cells from devolving, so that whatever was killing him can be cured years later and have his old ass come back to life. Larry King has already put the 250,000$ down payment for the procedure…If you ask me, i’d rather die..

5The Universe Just Ends

If you’re a true Narcissist who believes that the world actually revolves around you. Then in this theory, you are absolutely correct. Once you die, I get it, the universe to you ceases to exist. Well, what if the world actually did revolve around your consciousness sort of like a real world Truman Show where when you die the Universe, the world, just disappears. Because the main character of this show, You, are no longer here. This theory is called Solipsism, you are the only person who really exists. Everything else is just your imagination.

4Death is just an Illusion

We all believe in death, because that is what we are taught. But what if the cells in our brain were changed completely.. for instance we all know that the white paper in front of you is white. But the cells in your brain can be changed to see that the White Paper is clear. So if we can understand that space and time are just thoughts in our mind then death is just a thought. A simple illusion. This new theory called Biocentrism, actually has merit and is now considered by many quantum physicists to be the ‘theory of everything’. Life creates the universe not the other way around…

3Reincarnated As An Animal

The Buddhist religion believes in Karma. What you do in this lifetime, will affect you in your next lifetime. Once you die, you’re now reborn as an Animal not of your choice. Something similar to the plot of ‘A Dog’s Purpose’ – where a dog lives its life, dies and comes back reborn as another dog. So if you’re a piece of shit Hitler mother fucker pretty sure you’re coming back as a Dung Beetle. But if you’re an awesome person like
Mother Theresa, you’re coming back as Doug The Pug eating pepperoni pizza everyday with 3 million Instagram followers.

2You Go To Hell

This widely popular theory is going to suck for a lot of you… If you do not believe in Jesus Christ as your savior annnnd you kill a few people, your soul will spend all of eternity in a super shitty place where Satan and his demon Homies get to ram you in the ass for punishment over a lake of blood and guilt. Sounds like the last rave you went to doesn’t it?

1Your Soul Will Rest In Heaven

Aaaaahh…See, there was some positive news in this top ten. In this widespread theory that has been taught and believed by many religions, if you believe in God and do righteous shit, when you’re alive on planet Earth, you’re after-life will be filled with partying with Tupac, Elvis ,and all your friends, family and ancestors. And if you’re really cool, you might get your angel wings one day and help the Anaheim Angels win the world series…it’s a reference to a shitty disney movie.

And there you have it, our list of the top 10 Things That Could happen To You, when you die. Have we forgot to mention any other after death theories? If so, Mention them in the comments section, below. And as always, don’t forget to like, share and subscribe.


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