10 Slowest NBA Players Ever

The average NBA game today has around 95 possessions, that’s a significant drop from the late 70’s when an average game was at 105 possessions.. Now how did the game get slower? One of the main reasons as to why, lies in the fact that now teams are getting bigger in height , weight, and dick size..which means less fast break opportunities. With that being said, we’re back to our list of the 10 Slowest NBA Players Ever. “So Get the f*ck off the Road, Grandma!!”

10John Thompson

Not every slow basketball player has to be white, guys.. As the famous ex- Georgetown Hoyas coach played for the Boston Celtics from 1964 to 1966, yes only 2 years. As a pretty high draft pick out of Providence, Thompson couldn’t handle the speed of the NBA game, and decided that coaching was a better fit for his slow ass. Nicknamed “The Caddy” for backing up hall of famer Bill Russell, Thompson is credited with winning 2 championships with the Celtics in his short career.

9Dirk Nowitzki

As regarded as the greatest foreign born basketball player to ever play in the NBA, 7 foot Dirk Nowitzki from Germany is a scoring machine with over 30,000 career points. None of his 30K points was attributed to any kind of speed at all… Dirk who has a great sense of humor agrees, that when he runs it looks like he’s running in quicksand.

8Bill Walton

Known as a Grateful Dead super fan, and advocate of marijuana.. Bill’s career in the NBA was prominent. As he played and looked like a hippy, this free living Dead Head’s knees were giving out early in his career. With shitty knees and a nagging back injury throughout his NBA career, it sometimes looked like this 7 footer was walking up and down the court his entire career.

7Herb Williams

No, it’s not just white guys that are slow..As the 14th pick in the 1981 draft, Herb Williams had a pretty long career, about as long as this dick, as he played in the association for 18 years.. and now coaches as an assistant in the WNBA. You can also play as Herb in the new NBA 2k, but don’t be too excited when you pick the 96 Knicks and see Herb’s speed. Cause its about as slow as your internet, when your Mom walks in while your watching porn.

6Brian Scalabrine

The White Mamba is clearly one of the most loved figures in the NBA. As he has a decade long career riding the bench, but every city he played for loved this red headed baller.. As a stand out player at USC, Brian was drafted by the New Jersey Nets in the 2nd round. Though he balled up college competition, his lack of speed and quickness was too slow and held him back. But Brian, definitely rides that bench like your Mom after a few shots, as he provides his teammates with good luck and hard slow creampies.

5Darko Milicic

We go from a loved figure to a hated one.. Although it may not all be Darko’s fault for the hate.. As he was drafted 2nd overall in 2002, and is considered to be one of the best draft classes ever. drafted right after Lebron and before D wade, Bosh and Melo.. Darko is not only one of the biggest busts, but one of the slowest dudes we’ve seen in the NBA. He reminds me a lot of this D. At 7 feet 285 pounds, this guy is slower than the upload speed here in this Studio..

4Yao Ming

At 7 feet 6 and over 315 pounds, Yao’s skill set was amazing.. He can shoot, drive, post, and even hit his free throws. But when you’re 7 feet 6 inches tall, it’s a good chance, that injury will derail your career. As one of the slowest players end to end down the court, Yao’s speed on 2k is??, and bad feet probably didn’t help, as his career ended too soon with his 3rd fracture to his left foot.

3Shawn Bradley

Why does it seem like Shawn Bradley was always on a poster getting dunked on? Bradley’s 2K stats are pretty funny as his lateral quickness is 27, and his speed is 30. But hey, at least his standing dunk is 95. As one of the tallest players ever at 7 feet 6, this lanky white boy was getting posterized almost every night.

2Boban Marjanovic

At 7 feet 3 inches tall and weighing in at a near 300 pounds, this giant Serbian center is one of the slowest players the NBA has ever seen.. Though don’t let the lack of speed fool you, as Boban’s offensive skill is impressive. As an outstanding passer and player with good touch around the rim, Boban can one day be a star in the league..Just don’t ask him to run down any fast breaks.

1Greg Ostertag

Known for his rim protection on The Utah Jazz and getting bitch slapped by Shaq.. Greg Ostertag makes our list as the top slowest NBA players ever.. At 7 feet 2 and 280 pounds at the height of his career, Ostertag’s speed is comparable to most grandmas pushing a shopping cart down the ‘depends’ aisle. With a whopping speed test of 25 on 2K, Ostertag is considered one of the slowest players ever.

And there you have it, our list of the ’10 Slowest NBA Players Ever.’ Did we miss any other slow pokes? If so, mention them in the comment section below, and as always/ don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe.

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